Because we need more White Trash
I haven’t bought the OK Magazine this week with the picture of Jamie Lynn Spears on the cover in all her 16 –year old pouty-lipped glory but as I’ve been in southern California for the last 7 days since the pregnancy rumor broke and was subsequently confirmed, I don’t have to actually read the article to know the reported facts. It’s the lead story at 4,5,6 and 11:00 news. No wonder California has malfeasants setting fires in the canyons of Malibu, they’re sick of the media saturation of the Spears clan.
It’s not difficult to NOT get pregnant. Ask my good friend Pippi who married over the summer and at the age of 40 can expound on exactly how not to get pregnant as she charts her temperature every morning on a piece of paper tucked between the remote control and a bottle of KY next to the bed. Or ask the pastor of my church, who after years of infertility adopted a darling girl whose birth mother is the same age as Jamie Lynn. I simply cannot wrap my mind around how people, particularly people with access to the very best of everything still have “happy accidents”. My advice to anyone trying to have a baby is to put on a prom dress, rent a 1974 El Camino, grab a bottle of Mad Dog and park behind the school gym…
If the Kennedy children are and were the US equivalent of royalty, than can it safely be said that the innocent off-spring of Brittney and Jamie Lynn Spears are the Kennedy’s white trash counterparts? You can almost see the bubble above Jamie’s head, a child shipped off to Florida to film an altogether unremarkable show on Nikelodeon that reads: “Ya’ll are so focused on Brit-Brit, Sean P and Jayden James, that I’m just not getting the attention that I need for like, you know, my growth and stuff”. Now begins the pop-culture obsession with watching her grow for the next 9 months. Further rumors abound that Nikelodeon no doubt caught in PR hell is actually going to ask Jamie Lynn to star in a TV Movie/ PSA against teen pregnancy. Really? Is that before or after you’ll be able to go into Wal-Mart and buy the Jamie Lynn collection of baby products?
Potentially, Jamie Lynn has 25, 25 reproductive years ahead of her and at the rate she’s going, she’ll likely have more children, each with a different father. The only thing separating her from the welfare recipients in line at your local health and human services offices is a few million dollars.
And why do we care? Or more specifically why am I dedicating a blog entry to this? Because no matter how cute Jamie Lynn looks in her designer maternity gear, no matter what red-neck name she gives this kid (my money’s on Kanyon Ridge or Lillibeth Martini-Rose), she’s nothing more than a high-school dropout The only doctor this girl should be seeing is a psychologist- not an OBGYN.
Funny stuff! Honestly this was my first reaction to the whole sperm/egg debacle but then I started to worry about the baby. Hence my post. And my hope that she’s nothing like her sister. At the very least she has better publicity people or publicity people that she listens to. Either way… we are both right
OK I laughed so hard when I read this. You have an amazing way of painting the whole picture of the absurd in just a few sentences.
I’m not sure which is worse for the world’s future, Jamie Lynn’s 25 reproductive years or Brit-Brit’s remaining reproductive years (multiplied by each of her additional personalities) *shivers*