When Greeks Marry
Every time my niece (who isn’t really) declares with certainty that she’ll never get married, I get incredibly sad. Her mother and father who I refer to in this blog as my aunt and uncle, but who aren’t really, have been married for at least 23 years. LizBeth has no reason, none that I can see for why marriage wouldn’t seem like a logical step in her life when both the time and man is right for her. But she is adamant that she’ll never get married. And while I hope she’ll prove me wrong, I believe her. Her generation, Gen Y, the Millennials look at marriage as an antiquated notion., like Commodore 64.
My mother was married and divorced 3 times before I was in the 7th grade My biological father remarried and had 3 sons of whom I’m tremendously fond. My dad and I have tried off and on over the years to construct a relationship with varying degrees of success. On an intellectual level, I know my dad loves me but I also feel that if he could rewind 38 years, he would have preferred that my mom fell down a flight of stairs. It would have been easier on then both.
My mom remarried to a man who subsequently adopted me and for a time, we were a family- I remember little about those years but the few pictures I have suggest that we were happy. Except that we must not have been because he and my mom divorced and she remarried moving us to Iowa.
A friend of mine got married tonight and I couldn’t help but admire the optimism that makes two rational people to think “hey, I know, let’s smite the odds and get married”. I hope in the very core of my heart that theirs is a marriage meant for a life time. They have a daring child and the love and support of tremendous family and friends.
I seldom talk about it and I’m willing to do it jut once, in this post. I deeply and completely loved the man that I married. We had a very small wedding on the beach at sunset and I believed in my whole heart, that we would be together until one of us was in the grave. There wasn’t one part of me that had any reservation about getting married. That he would turn out to be a sociopath, a liar and a philandering fool was something that I simply could not have predicted on that sunny day in October. I remember the way he looked at me when he said his vows, the way he kissed me, how happy he seemed. Of course it was a giant lie- he never loved me at all.
I know so few happily married people but I hope in my heart that my friends who bravely stood up to the odds are two people who go the distance.
1) I like to think I keep relatively abreast of things, but “magic underwear”? That I missed.
2) Although happily married (and that waxes and wanes, of course), I admit having a number of gimlets and making out with someone I met in the airport sounds a little -well- outstanding. They make pornos about such things.
3) Have you ever referred to me as a “booby blond” behind my back????
Hmmmm. Some interesting comments here on marriage. Marriage is a lot of work (there’s a cliche, but a true statement). Sometimes love isn’t enough to make everything “work” as smoothly as we would wish.
I know that your ex-husband loved you — there was no doubt about that. He cared deeply for you (and I suspect he still does). However, he was a pretty screwed-up person and wasn’t able to be truthful and to put anyone else’s needs above his own. It happens. (Remember the actor? He loved me, but he, too, was a lying, manipulating pyschopath.) I know you still hurt terribly over the end of what you thought was going to be a lifelong marriage. You’re entitled to do so. But his flaws in no way mean that it is you who are unlovable. I could spend hours listing those who love you dearly! And, let’s admit, he wasn’t the only man you ever loved — just the only one you married. There are a tremendous number of reasons why marriages don’t last.
Sweet little Jennio, please remember that you are so loved by so many.
Just for the record, there is nothing FALSE about your Auntie. She’s always seemed very TRUE to me–and most especially, to YOU!
But Sweetpea: He wasn’t a good guy.