‘Siddy Cents
I lost .6lbs this week which can probably be attributed to the large crap I took after my 2nd cup of coffee this morning. Let’s see… if you are sponsoring me at $1/ lb then some poor kid in Africa is getting 60 cents. I also got my race results from the Manna 5K that took place on April 12th where I finished 214 out of 251 entrants and I was twice as slow as a guy in the 70 year and older category who placed 88th and ran it in 27 minutes. My pace was equivalent to walking in quicksand carrying a tire. Which, come to think of it if you take my ass and stomach into consideration, I am in fact carrying not just a tire but an actual Buick.
I lifted weights 3 times this week and if one more person gives me the “muscle weighs more than fat” pep talk, I will hunt you down and sit on your chest, squashing the air from your birdcage of a chest. In the mood I’m in right now (exhaustion and high irritability), it’s a wonder that I don’t dive head first into a vat of Pringles.
To the other well-wishers who say that it “takes time,” “don’t give up” and my personal favorite “hey at least you lost”. Really? .6lbs. My bra probably weights more than that.
Some helpful words of encouragement would be appropriate here… except for:
1) Muscle weighs more than fat
2) It takes time
3) Don’t give up
4) At least you lost
OK…I can tell you have been working out. Since I can’t mention the above, here are other points:
1) You weighed in the late morning instead of early morning (I bet you had a ton of water, ate, and stuff which will factor in)
2) you kept your shoes on
3) please don’t hurt me
4) We love you!
PS: 5) That 60 cents gets rounded, so it’s an even $
One more thing…
6) You flew. Like, a lot. All week. I don’t know about you, but flying alone makes me bloat like the Michelin Man. Not the new, svelte M-man we see today – no. I’m talking about the 80′s rust belt Michelin Man. Or maybe he just looked bigger b/c my parents TV picture was just different shades of snowy shapes on the screen.
Anyway, you know what I mean…