What a Croc!
Behind every man wearing a hideous pair of Crocs at the airport, is a wife who does his shopping. Because no self-respecting man wears Crocs. Ever. And in that vain, I dedicate today’s blog to men and fashion.
But back to the guy in the airport. So I’m in the Fly Clear Line (which I love, love, love) and Croc-Guy passes me with his wife and two kids who are (no surprise) also wearing Crocs. As previously mentioned, oh, a few thousand times, I fly a lot (or did!) so I can pretty easily spot people whose last time on a plane was pre 9/11. I don’t care if they are efficient at the airport. I don’t care if they’re comfortable. The look of utter defeat on Croc-Guys’ face said it all: My wife buys my clothes and I don’t have the balls to tell her to stop. Shame on her for buying the damn things but double shame on him for not telling her where to put ‘em.
Why do (some) women buy clothes for the men in thier lives? Because trust me, they don’t want to. But if the choice is being with a man wearing Levi’s from 1987… then most women I know will suck it up and contribute to the procurement of male clothing.
Men: there are some hard-and-fast rules to dressing well and I encourage my 3 male readers to take note.
For men, no article of clothing should be older than the previous presidential cabinet. So to be clear, if you own any piece of clothing that you wore when Bill Clinton was President, then it needs to go. The only exception to this are college sweatshirts (particularly from Big 12 schools), baseball hats and team t-shirts.
The friend who isn’t speaking to me is engaged (could be married for all I know) to a guy who went into the military some 20 years or so ago and as a result of spending so many years in uniform, all of his clothing was in “perfectly good shape” but could anthropologically be traced back to the Bush administration. George Sr.
Polo shirts don’t look good on anyone. They just don’t. The only one who can pull of a polo/ golf shirt is Tiger Woods. It’s worse if you have man-boob or “moobs” as KellyLynn calls them (Hello, Phil Mickelson?) It’s worse if the shirt has a vendor logo. If you have to wear it to a trade-show… nah.. not even then.
Don’t wear socks when you’re having sex. In a survey of my girlfriends, I was shocked to learn that their boyfriends/ husbands answer the call of booty wearing socks and then “after” put boxers back on. The point is to knock you out of your socks… and your boxers. Leave ‘em off.
Dress shirt and tie with v-neck sweater over top. Never. Not even if you are the hot college professor on campus.
Sweater-vest with dress-shirt. This look screams 16 Candles so unless you look like Jake Ryan, don’t go there.
The looks I love. Good clothing on a man shouldn’t be trying too hard. Clothing should be relaxed. Muted. Comfortable, but not sloppy. And in case my 3 male readers think I’m a brand-snob, I’m not. Good clothing can come from unlike sources.
T$BD dress well. So do the twins. Bug’s husband wears clothes like a model. Neighborcop is well… in uniform (and looks great). Quantico’s husband has great eye-glasses looks great in a ball-cap, Tommy Bahamas and cargo shorts. Jeff German: one word… yummy. Wikipedia? Not a good dresser. But to be fair and as I’ve suggested in previous entries, he may be shopping in the boys section at Sears. Think Gr-Animals. He passes it off as eccentricity brought on by brilliance. I’ve never seen Annapolis’ husband in work-clothes but he looks great in his dad-wear on the weekends. My old boss EO always looked effortless… and amazing. And Mr. Wii’s clothes?
They looked pretty good balled up on the floor next to my bed.
Do clothes make the man? Probably no more than sexy lingerie makes the woman. But if you want to see us rockin’ the Victoria’s Secret runway look then put down the Crocs. Shoes aren’t meant to go in the dishwasher.
Sometimes our feet get cold and we need our socks…Can’t wait till July
This is one of your better blogs my love. K always taskes his socks off first, thank god for that.
You crack me up! I agree whole heartedly about the crocs, I refuse to put them on Yum-Yum too. Why are so many men stuck in their 80′s jeans! That makes me CRAZY!!
Miss you!
I have a hard enough time dressing myself, as you know. Still, I find myself guiding my guy in the world of fashion. Especially after the “incident” where we went on vacation last year and 20 minutes before a nice dinner he busted out dress pants that had lost their shape, WHITE socks (oh, the horror!), and Buster Brownesque shoes he has had for probably the last decade. I was the MacGyver of fashion that night, but such miracles are hard to come by so now I take a more active role.
To answer your question though: We ladies resort to dressing our men out of pure necessity. Nothing else, b/c it is a huge pain in the rear! In the case of the vacationers, Crocs are probably a way to get back at having to dress men.
I see you failed to mention Mr. Quantico’s passion for socks and sandals. It’s his signature look
Just got on your blog again. Lots of good stuff here! But, I gotta tell ya, my man wears several of the no-no items on your list. Love him anyway!