Do you want fries with that?
I hate buying tampons. Without doing a comprehensive poll of my friends I still feel confident in saying that none of them likes buying tampons. It’s not just that they’re expensive or that they are a seemingly never-ending purchase it’s that there is that moment when the checkout guy (and make no mistake, it ‘s always a guy) scans the tampons and in the loudest possible voice asks, “DO YOU HAVE ANY COUPONS??? CAN I GET YOUR CVS CARD?? You would think that at my age it wouldn’t bother me anymore but I guess it still does because even if the only thing I need from the drugstore is a box of tampons, I’ll toss in a greeting card, chapstick, bottled water and a travel size deodorant just so that I don’t have to face the pimply-faced guy behind the counter with a multi pack of tampons.
I live within walking distance of a 7-11 and one night several years ago I made a… prospect… walk there for a toothbrush and condoms. Seriously. Who wants to be that guy? The one who walks from my condo for a toothbrush and some condoms. It even crossed my mind-briefly- that he might not come back. But just like a retriever puppy he trotted back with a 3 pack of Trojans.
Then I was with Stinky McNasty and one of the joys of (what I thought was monogamy) was not using condoms. That and for a time, I thought we were trying to get pregnant. Turns out, he got someone else pregnant.
Then I decided to take ownership of my, uh, adult activity which means buying condoms.
Well gods bless the internet because you can buy ‘em on line! Which I did because as my friend Amy said “it’s better to have them and not need them then need them and not have them”. This explains why I pack a trunk when I travel for an overnight trip.
I went to www.babeland.com which is one of those sites that comes highly recommended to me from several friends. So I bought the condoms when I clicked on the check-out button, I got a pop up window asking me if I wanted a vibrator to add-on to my order.
Hmm. Do I want a vibrator? Yes. Yes I do.
The next screen asked me if I wanted expedited freight.
Do I want expedited freight for condoms and a vibrator?
Um. If I did, wouldn’t I just buy them local??
So –no- on the Fed-Ex Priority Shipment.
The next window gave me an order number and confirmed that I would receive the package in a plain brown box on June 23rd.
…which is today! I woke up this morning and did a cat-like stretch in bed remembering that my purchase would be delivered.
I got home from work, parked in the first spot in front of the condo and stood on tip-toe to see if there was a package (heh, heh, package) on my front door stoop. There was and I couldn’t get into the house and out of my clothes fast enough. I ripped into the box to find…
Nothing.
They sent me the condoms but the vibrator is indefinitely on backorder.
This f*cking vibrator which was an add-on sale is on backorder.
Really.
Seriously…that sucks. Every single girl should have a “bunny friend” as I like to call them. But honestly the instant gratification you get from going to the store is worth the 2 minutes of feeling like you might die of embarassment as you pay for your little “bunny”…knowing whoever is behind the cash register is probably imagining how you might use it as soon as you get home… Let me tell you that you forget the whole experience very quickly once you and “bunny” get home!