Cinderella
Were I to do a rewrite of the fairy tale, Cinderella I would include a paragraph about Cinderella sinking into a depression that resulted in a 100 lb weight gain making it impossible to find a gown to wear to the ball that wasn’t both ugly and highly flammable. This explains why the fairy godmother had to whip something up… there was nothing that Cinderella could buy retail that would fit her.
I tried on a whole lot of ugly yesterday looking for something to cover my fat-ass, a challenge in and of itself but made more so by my rather unfortunate proportions. I am still of a normal size above the waist and below, well, let’s just say that I have more junk-in-the-trunk than Sanford and Sons. So if it fits on top, the bottom looks like “two pigs fighting under a blanket” and if it fits on the bottom, then it’s so big in the top that I have room for two additional sets of breasts.
So after I went to every department store, googled, and went to eBay, I decided to email Oprah to see if she might have a gown that she’d worn and would be willing to loan me. Until I hear back from her, the search continues.
Remember — Cinderella went to the ball and was beautiful. As you will be!!